


Let me go.

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Intrusive Thoughts, Other, Overdosing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28284582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sometimes everything becomes too much, and you can't see a way out.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 9





	Let me go.

Oikawa felt like he was dying. He couldn't stop his thoughts and feelings. They all consumed his mind, always making him feel like he was drowning in the black gunk filling his brain. Everyone knew something was up, but it wasn't like any of them cared enough to ask or offer him the help he so desperately needed. He felt like there was no way out like he was at the very end of his rope barely hanging on. He had no motivation for anything anymore. Somedays he would hide somewhere alone because he was so scared he might hurt someone he cared about like Iwaizumi or his sister. He would never ever want to do that, and he knew he'd go sooner through himself off a building than ever do any of the things in his mind. But they were still there, taunting him, alienating him, making him feel like a monster, and he'd had enough. He wanted to get better, play volleyball, and go back to the person he had been not that long ago. Even only three months ago, these thoughts weren't even there; there was no fixation or anxiety; he was still the ditzy little setter who liked nicknames and milk bread. He would give anything to be that again, to lie in Iwaizumi's arms and be at peace with no background noise slowly driving him over the edge. He'd love to do something without it continually being corrupted by his mind warped into something else. But he had lost all control. He couldn't hold on much longer. He didn't want to let anyone down, but it was growing to be too much for him to bear. He felt like every day he was pushing a heavier boulder up a steeper hill that was slowly turning into a mountain. And now he couldn't move it anymore. He had stopped going to school he'd quit volleyball, and now, he couldn't even get out of bed. Eating made him want to vomit, and looking in the mirror was too painful. He had at least twenty missed calls, but he couldn't be bothered to do anything about it. He wasn't even sure he could be bothered enough to die. He had decided that he had to. He couldn't struggle on like this anymore. It needed to end. He wanted more than anything to get help, but he knew it was too late, nobody could help him now. He wasn't even Tooru Oikawa anymore, he was some weird, warped version of him and he couldn't pretend that he was still there anymore, he was gone. He felt awful at what his death may do to the people who still, for some reason, cared for him, but he just couldn't do it anymore. The longer he waited, the more painful it got, and he was done being in pain. He was ready to go. He had planned for weeks, and this was it, just a simple overdose on his roof looking out onto the stars. He had always loved the idea of space and aliens, and it felt fitting to burn out gazing at the one last uncorrupted thing. 

So that night, he wrote down exactly what he needed everyone to hear and got everything organised. He left his old volleyball stuff for the team. All his accessories and jewellery for his sister. His old school stuff for his parents and everything else for Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi, he loved Iwaizumi more than anything, but he deserved better than him, he was broken and in the end, would corrupt Iwaizumi too.

He had his last shower and cleaned himself up nicely. Doing his hair and putting some makeup on. He wore white jogging bottoms and a matching sweatshirt that he had stolen from Iwaizumi, clinging to the faint scent of the boy he loved. And he made his way up with his pockets filled with his envelopes, painkillers and water bottle. He felt at peace for the first time in weeks no corruption or thoughts. Just the silence and clarity that he could be done now. It was time for him to rest. 

He reached the roof and sat at the edge, gazing out onto the stars. They were bright and clear. He had picked the night perfectly. He took a deep breath as he put the letters down under a rock so they wouldn't fly away and leaned back. 

He took his time pouring the capsules into his hand and surveying them before opening the bottle and downing them in an awkward choking gasp. His eyes were watering now, and he couldn't stop himself as his body wracked itself with silent sobs. 

He looked at the stars above him as his body started to shut down. He felt his body temperature rise as his heartbeat began to spasm erratically. He wasn't sure if the hyperventilation was from the crying or his body trying to keep his alive. He felt like poison was burning his insides which he supposed it was. 

He felt disoriented and confused. He didn't understand why his chest hurt so much. He didn't even remember throwing up or when the green eyes had appeared above him. A voice was screaming at him to hold on and wailing at him. He felt arms pull him into a warm chest as the voice repeated the same thing over and over. 

**'I love you. Please don't leave me.'**

But it was hopeless he could feel the light pulling him away into the stars even as hands tried to pull him back, screaming at him that he was still needed, still wanted, always loved no matter what. But he was floating away from them, and he couldn't go back he tried to reach out to the last hand and looked into the green eyes trying to fight the feeling of loss and pain at the thought of leaving them behind. But he was already floating away. Just out of reach watching as the green eyes faded and everything turned to black.

**Tooru Oikawa died of an overdose three weeks before his senior graduation. He was found by Hajime Iwaizumi who also committed suicide three days later. In his letters, Tooru spoke of how his thoughts had become too much, and he had felt there was no way out. People are now questioning if the schools and parents are doing enough to help youth suffering from mental health issues. Students have reported that both boys had been showing signs of struggle for months, but nothing was done despite them relaying their concern to their teachers. We will not let these boys become numbers, and we will do our best to make sure that this never happens again. You are not alone. Please talk to someone. No matter how awful you feel, you are not alone, and help is available. You can be understood. Please don't become another statistic to be ignored. You are unique, and you matter. Everyone can be saved.**


End file.
